Fear and Loathing in Seattle
by MalloryAlise
Summary: Most people assume that Max is the one afraid of taking the next step, what if it was Logan. Rating is for language.
1. Default Chapter

Disclaimers: I don't own any of the Dark Angel characters they belong to James Cameron. I am merely amusing myself with stories involving them. Please don't sue me, because all I have is debt. (And you can have that if you want it). And now on with the show.

Author's Notes: Original publication date of this story, May 18, 2001.

**Dinner at Logan's**

"That was a culinary masterpiece, Mr. Cale," I tell Logan as I lay my napkin on the table.

"Thank you Miss Guevera," Logan says as he gives a mini-bow from his wheelchair. "I'm glad that my cooking skills pass muster."

"You know this is really nice," I remark as I sip my pre-Pulse wine.

"Yeah, it is," he replies looking at her across the table.

"No Eyes Only informants calling."

"No Lydecker chasing you."

"Nothing that has to be stolen from any high and mighty officials. Although that does help keep me in shape."

"There are other ways of keeping in shape, you know."

"Logan Cale," I say startled, "are you propositioning me?"

His face blushes and he quickly changes the subject back to the previous matter at hand. "No uninvited guests."

_Nice way to avoid the subject. He must mean Zach_, I think to myself. "So, how was your day?"

"The usual. Did my therapy. Conducted a little research. Cooked a 'culinary masterpiece' for a beautiful girl" his eyes twinkling as he looks at me. "Saved the world. Blah, blah, woof, woof. How about you?"

"Not tryin' to downplay that monster-sized ego of yours are you?" _I love this man,_ I think to myself. "My day? Hmm, not as eventful as yours. Delivered packages, snapped at Normal, hung out with my friends, and then blew off work early so I could go change my clothes 'cause this great guy said he would cook dinner for me tonight." I reply trying to contain my laughter as I recall what my bedroom looks like right now.

Logan's curiosity gets the best of him as he has been observing my failing attempts to hold in my laugh. "What's so funny?"

"Nothing," I giggle. But he won't let it go, his eyes imploring me to continue. "Okay, I was just remembering what Original Cindy said after she walked into my room."

"Aren't you going to share with the rest of the class?"

"Okay I blew off work fairly early today," I say standing up and moving away from the table. "I was really nervous about tonight for some reason. Maybe because of everything that tonight isn't about."

"What do you mean?" Logan asks me, as he wheels over to my newly found perch on arm of his sofa.

"Well," I avoid looking him in the face. "This is our first real dinner since you tried to…to…you know. And I was just…"

"What, Max?" He asks softly cupping the side of my face.

"I was forced to re-examine my friendship with you tonight. You know, like why it was taking me two hours to pick out something to wear tonight, when normally I would have just come over in a pair of jeans. Do you understand what I'm trying to say?"

"No, not really Max," Logan replies uneasily.

I can feel him tensing up, he must think I'm about to tell him that I'm glad we're friends. "I'm really fucking this up. What I'm trying to say is that I think I'm falling in love…"

"Max," Logan interrupts quickly, "I forgot about this phone call that I have to return. Bennett called me this morning to talk about Cale Industries, and I really need to call him back."

I stand up as he begins to wheel into his computer room. "I'll just clean up the kitchen and we can finish talking when you're done with your phone call."

"Um, why don't you go home," he replies without turning around to face me. "This call will probably take a while. Business."

"Sure," I say masking my hurt and anger. "Why don't I just leave you to your _business_. Maybe I'll drop by tomorrow after work."

"Tomorrow? Tomorrow isn't good for me Max…"

"You know what Logan. I was ready to tell you something very important tonight. Something that I have never told anyone before. But obviously you have other concerns at the moment," I say making my way towards the door. "Why don't you call me when buy a clue," I snap at him as I walk out the apartment. The tears are stinging my eyes, yearning to break free.


	2. Chapter Two

**Chapter Two:  Crash**

The first person I run into at Crash is Original Cindy.  She takes one look at my tear-stained face and steers me to our table.

"Hey guys," she says looking at Herbal and Sketchy, "why don't you give me a moment or two along with my homegirl, aiight?"

"No," I sniffle.  "You guys can stay," thankfully they rarely listen to me.

"Okay boo, what's the dealio?  I thought you had a date with wheel boy tonight?"

"I did."

"So what did he do to you?  Does Original Cindy need to kick his scrawny white, rich ass?"

"It's not his fault.  I screwed this one up all by myself," I say as my tears finally subside. 

"What're you talkin' about boo?"

"He only wants to be friends.  That's why when I tried to tell him that I had come to realize how much he meant to me he blew me off."  _I am miserable.  How could I be so dense as to think that Logan could love me?  A science project gone horribly wrong._

"Hold up there girlie.  Don't be thinkin' that this has anything to do with your revved-up DNA.  That boy is head over wheels in love with you, and I think that's the problem."

"What?"

"Max, think about it.  You're some sort of superhuman, about as close to perfection as you can get.  Logan is, well, he's Logan.  He's stuck in a wheelchair and he doesn't want to hold you back.  Think about it girl.  Look at the way looks at you.  Logan is all about you.  He is completely in to you."

"Then why…"

Original Cindy cuts in, "Girl, he sees you with Zach, someone who's your equal.  Someone not in a chair."

"Zach?  I can kick his ass any day.  Besides Logan is my equal.  He's smart, cute, he has these eyes that make you just want to…."

"Yeah, yeah.  But do you see what I'm getting at?  You are gonna have to knock some sense into him.  You think he's worthy, but you have to make him think that."

"How is that you know all about the male psyche?"  I ask taking in her suggestions.  "I need some paper.  I have to do some serious convincing 'cause he's gone into full self-deprecation mode."

"Anybody in this joint got a notebook my sista can borrow?" Original Cindy asks the crowd.  "C'mon it's all in the name of love.  Thanks brudha," she tells some gothic looking guy as he hands her a notebook. 

I flip the cover back and begin to write.  "Let's see Logan is intelligent, Logan is funny, smart, witty, charming…"

"Boo, just write it in the damn book.  I love the doe-eyed expression and all you get from talking about him, but after what he did he to you I don't want to hear about his positive attributes aiight?"

I just smile and crinkle my nose at her and go back to work.  The notebook only had about ten pages left it in, and I managed to fill them front and back within an hour.  Cindy has watched me the entire time.  She said she didn't want to hear about Logan's attributes, but she couldn't help sneaking a peak at my list.  I wonder which one made her laugh?  I look back at my handiwork.  I ended up making two lists.  The first one is all the really wonderful things about Logan.  The second list, the much longer list, is all the reasons I can think of why I don't deserve to be with Logan.  "Gotta blaze.  If this works don't worry if I don't come home tonight."

"If you do come home, Logan better be worried because Original Cindy'll come after him," she tells me as I leave.


	3. Chapter Three

**Chapter Three: You're Everything**

Before I went back to Logan's to knock some sense into him I changed into my cat suit for two reasons. One, I need to be able to move around his apartment without being seen, gives me the element of surprise, and, two, I've seen the way he looks at me in this thing. I'm gonna need all the help I can get. I manage to pick the lock easily. I have to remind him to get a better system. My feline DNA allows me to blend in with the shadows, and I stealthily move around the apartment to find him staring out the window. I can make out his reflection in the glass, he looks so sad, so removed.

I step out of the shadows and take a deep breath. _Here goes nothing_. "So, I see you finished your phone call."

"Max I told you I don't want to talk to you right now," Logan replies not taking his eyes off the window.

"No, you actually said that you were busy and you couldn't talk. You never said that you didn't want to talk to me. But that's all right, because I want to talk to you. All you have to do is listen to me. Think you can handle that?"

I take his silence as some sort of acceptance and launch into the speech that I practiced on the way over. "I've known you for almost a year now, Logan. I know how your mind works; well actually I thought I knew how your mind worked. Original Cindy had to buy me a clue."

"Look Max, save your little speech. Do me a favor and leave."

"Sorry Logan, you can't get rid of me that easily. You opened up your home and your heart to me. You cared for me. And you know what, somewhere along the way I started to feel things for you that I have never felt for anyone in my life. You're stuck with me."

"Max, leave. I'll only slow you down."

I stalk across the room and spin him around to face me. I am totally loving his shocked expression; just wait until you get a load of my next move baby. I sit down on his lap and extract my list from inside my jacket. "You don't deserve me is that what you think? Well let me tell you something. I don't deserve you, want to hear some of my reasons. I have about twenty pages here. Let's start with you. Reason one of why I want to be with you: you accept me for me. Reason two: you care. Three, you challenge me. Four, you're intelligent. Five, you have this amazing body. Six, you have these eyes that make me melt. Seven—"

"Max," Logan interrupts. "I don't need to hear all of this."  
  
"No, I think you do. I think you've forgotten about all of the things that make you Logan Cale. You are not just a pair of legs. I didn't fall in love with your physical appearance, although that is a wonderful quality. I fell in love with you, your mind, your heart, your soul. You are everything. You think that you don't deserve me, I don't deserve you." I tell him looking into his eyes. "I have a much longer list for that. I'm a killer. I'm a science project gone wrong. I'm poison. I'm…"

Logan places a finger over my lips to silence me. "You are none of those things Max. You deserve the best in life. You are perfect. You are smart, funny, beautiful. You are everything that is good in my life."

I gently pull his finger from my mouth and hold his hand, "Then why won't you let me love you?"

"Because I'm scared that I'll just slow you down. That in a few months Zach will come along and you'll go off with him. I can't watch you leave with him again. It broke my heart the last time, I can't go through that again."

"I don't love Zach." I tell him honestly, "Not the way you think I do or the way he wants me to. He's my brother. You are the one that I want to wake up with of a morning and go to sleep with at night. You make me feel free. When you kiss me or touch me or even look at me, like you are now, I feel like I'm flying. No one has ever made me feel that way before Logan."

I can see the tears beginning to form in Logan's eyes, as he begins to speak. "I still don't deserve you, but God I want to spend the rest of my life trying to prove to you that I do."

"You told me that I deserve the best in life Logan, and for me that's you. You are all that I want."

"I love you, Max." Logan says as he leans closer to me.

"I love you, too." I tell him as our lips finally meet.


End file.
